A story I want to tell

This may seem like a mood killer post but it’s how I’m feeling a kind of way right now and I want to write. This is about when I lost my mum, so if you don’t want to read this you dont have to but I need to tell my story, and I don’t think many people know this story. 

Let me start from the beginning, it was 2005, I was 13 and my mum and dad were being a bit weird. They called me into my little sisters room, and sat us both on the bed. They stood in front of us with this worried look on their faces. All I could think is ‘what have I done now?’ Then my mum crouched down our level, looked at us both and said, ‘I have Cancer’. I just sat there and stared at her for what felt like an hour but was really about a minute. I was in shock. Then the tears came, I would not stop crying. I didn’t even really know what the effects of cancer were but I know that people died from it and that was enough information for me.

My little sister didn’t cry, I don’t remember how she reacted because I was in shock but I know that she didn’t shed one tear that night, she was so young at 10 years old so she didn’t fully understand.

My mum asked why I was crying and I remember saying to her ‘are you going to die?’ which she replied ‘I promise you I will be fine’.

We carried on with our lives as normal, with the added hospital trip so mum could have Chemo. Anna and dad would go with her but I would always stay home. There were a few times that she was taken into hospital because things got a little bad but she soon came out.

We got through christmas that year and new year. Mum got involved as much as she could but she was very weak.

I went to Germany on a school trip and when I returned home I gave my mum a post card of Berlin which supposedly had a piece of the ‘real’ Berlin wall. We spent a few days together at home before I went back to school. We argued a lot in those few days, I’m not sure what over, probably something so small and silly. Something so irrelevant.

My sister and I came home from our first day back at school and my auntie was in my house, she told us that mum was taken into hospital again and she was there to look after us.

Dad came home later that night and he was alone, mum had to stay in the hospital. Time went on, I’m not sure how much time, but it left like weeks and mum never came out. My dad and my sister would go and visit her but I would always stay at home. Me and my dad would have massive arguments over it. I didn’t want to see my mum in hospital with tubes down her throat and hooked up to machines, but he knew it was important that I saw her.

A little while after my dad came home from the hospital one day and was very stressed but said mum was getting a little better. That night we got a phone call, I answered the phone and it was the hospital, they wanted to speak to my dad. Something was wrong and he went back down to the hospital. This hadn’t happened before, he had never rushed out to the hospital like that.

My little sister and I were left at home for a couple of hours then a couple of family friends walked though the back door of our house and told us to put a coat on and get in the car, I could tell that they had been crying. I don’t remember the car journey to the hospital, I do remember it was very quiet though, nobody spoke a word.

When we arrived on the ward that my mum was on we were taken into a room at the end of the ward, I remember looking around for my mum but I couldn’t see her.

The next part I remember so clearly, one of the family friends took us into the room where my dad was. I remember my dads face, his eyes were red and puffy, he had clearly been crying a lot and he was shaking so much. There were two grey hospital sofas in this room. We all sat down and that’s when he told us that our mum wasn’t going to make it through the week and we needed to say our goodbyes.

The next few days were so hard. Mum had been moved into a more private room and the limit on visitors was lifted. She always had loads of people around her and I know she would have been happy knowing everyone was there. My mum wasn’t asleep or anything like that, she was paralysed but she could move her eyes. So she saw us all there with her.

My dad was there 24/7 and my sister and I would be there every day but would sleep at home. Then there was one day that the whole family was there and all her close friends. Mother’s day was coming up so my sister wanted to read her the mother’s day card that we had got for her. Everyone left the room giving myself, my sister and my mum some time alone.

I couldn’t tell you a word that was in that card. The entire time my sister was reading I was just staring at my mum. She was laying there still, her eyes open. Then I saw the corners on her mouth turn up slightly forming a little smile on her face. Soon after followed her tears. I wiped them away for her and grabbed hold of her hand. How had my mum got like this? It was heartbreaking.

We said goodnight to her like we did every night, told her we loved her and then we went home for the night.

The next morning I got up first and went down stairs, I saw all my family and family friends in the lounge, said Good Morning to them and then continued into the kitchen. I knew it then, I knew she had passed away.  I had lost my mum forever.

I didn’t need anyone to confirm it to me because the whole family sitting in my lounge crying was conformation enough but my aunt came out to see me and actually tell me. I didn’t really react. I just walked up stairs into my dads room, he was laying in bed sobbing, I have never seen anyone so heart-broken in all my life. I got in next to his and we just cuddled and cried. Someone must have gone and woken up my little sister because about 5 minutes later she ran through the door in hysterics. It was then that I realised I needed to be brave and try to get them both through this.

I was devastated don’t get me wrong but something clicked in me, it was just what I thought was right or possibly my way of coping and I just left the room went and got my self dressed and went to the Nursery where I was doing my work experience that day. When they found out what had happened they sent me home of course but I felt like I needed to get on with my day and not cry.

I will end that there but I will go on to what happened after with me in another post. I’m not writing this for sympathy of anything like that, I know im not the only person that has been through this. It’s simply something that I think about a lot and just wanted to write it down.

Thanks for reading and your ongoing support! 

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Woman Crush Wednesday

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Meet Kerri! I used to work with Kerri back when she was a single lady. I remember when she was asking for advice for her date with a guy and now his her HUSBAND and they have a little pup!

This lovely lady has been through some things that no woman should ever have to go through, she has been so strong and fought so much. Yes she has a down day but everyone does but she always picks herself back up again and continues to fight!

I think that everyone should be a little more like Kerri, never give up on what you want. God gives you these battles because he knows that you are a warrior and are capable over fighting them so succeed.

You can follow Kerri on her own blog kerridiary.blogspot.co.uk or follow her on Instagram 

“A lot of people give up just before they’re about to make it. You know you never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one.” – Chuck Norris

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Woman Crush Wednesday

This is my first Woman Crush Wednesday on EforElle and I have an incredible lady for you today!

collageDanielle Keens | Essex

I’ve known Danielle for about 7 years know and when we met she had pink hair! She is an incredible woman!

Danielle has worked so hard and has achieved so much that most don’t achieve in their 20’s. She works a job and has her own company where she makes and sells her hand made cross stitches you can buy these at www.crossstitchyoursoul.bigcartel.com.

She is covered in some of the most beautiful art work! Oh, and her bloody make up is a work of art too!

Danielle is a cat lover, well actually she’s an animal lover and a Vegan. She is a firm believer in equal rights and is strong minded when it comes to these subjects. She knows what she is talking about!

Danielle Keens you are divine and this is why you are my first WCW!

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Follow Danielle on Instagram!

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I’m Back!

Guys, I’m back! I’m sorry its been so long. I have been having a bit of a revamp on the layout. Do you like it?

So I’ve decided to bring back monthly favourites. It will start at the end of this month, which is super exciting I have loads of new bits that I want to share with you all.

Also I will be doing WCW also known as Woman Crush Wednesday, where each Wednesday I will pick a lady that I think is beautiful, inspirational or strong women. If you think there is someone that should be chosen then write a comment on their picture with #EforelleWCW!

Im not going to have set days that i post other than Wednesdays, simply because i have a job and sometimes find it hard to post by certain days. I promise that I will try my very hardest to get at least one post up a week for you.

Thanks for understanding guys!

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Summer Reading List

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One of my favourite things to do in the summer is to grab a good book and have a lazy day in the garden. I just spend my day getting lost in a novel that helps me escape from reality for a little while. If you like reading too I have listed a few of my favourites, some are newer and others are old classics. Enjoy!

Oh and at the end there is a printable reading challenge.

  1. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

  2. All About Love – Bell Hooks

  3. Geek Love – Katherine Dunn

  4.  Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

  5. The Fault in Our Stars – John Green

  6. The Notebook – Nicholas Sparks

  7. Eleanor & Park – Rainbow Rowell

  8. Water for Elephants – Sara Gruen

  9. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontè

  10. Uprooted – Naomi Novik

 

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Hope you have a lovely summer

 

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Going Grey

Grey hair is a big trend right now and it is something that I wanted to get involved in. So I got in touch with the Daniel Miles the Owner of Salon 9 in Elm Park Essex and we booked a whole day to take me from my built up black/brown to a sexy silver-grey!

I went into Salon 9 with a mess on my head! I had been growing out my black hair for a few months and it was starting to look a right state. Black is one of those colours that you have to be sure on because so bloody hard to get rid of. Clearly I wasn’t sure on the black, so i decided to grow it out.

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All the light brown towards my root was my natural colour and all the dark brown on the ends was a faded black that I had put on my hair. So to remove the black Daniel had to first strip the colour. The colour stripper will remove some of the dye without damaging my hair. It is applied to all the hair with dye on it and left for it to work its magic.

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This process worked pretty well so we decided that the one application was fine and we would go ahead and bleach my hair to lighten it some more. Before I dyed my hair black I have a black into green ombré and where the colour had been stripped out the green started to appear again.

 

The bleach was applied onto foils to ensure that it didn’t touch my scalp. It was applied all over my hair but just a little bit of my root was left bare. This didn’t matter because we had decided that a darker shadowed root would be the best look for the shade of grey I had chosen. Once the bleach was applied I was put under heat to help the process along.

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Its rather obvious that my hair was blonde and orange!! It was to be expected as I had a slight colour build up. Bleach can really damage your hair but my hair was doing okay, it was a little damaged on the ends but nothing too bad.

We did a second application on bleach to lighten it a bit more (im sorry I forgot to take another photo) and after the entire bleaching process was over we cut a lot of my hair off just because it was a bit damaged from the bleach and it was going to have a whole new style anyway.

Once it was cut the grey was applied and I was put back under heat. Onced my hair was washed for the final time it was blowdryed and styled.

 

The full process took 10 hours, but I am so happy that it was all done in a day! I would like to say a massive Thank You to Daniel Miles and the team at Salon 9 for making my hair to beautiful!

 

To visit Salon 9’s Instagram page click here

To visit Salon 9’s Facebook page click here

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Become a Morning Person

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If you know me then you know I have never really been a morning person. Getting up before 9am was never going to happen. No way, no how! Hearing my Sister get up at 7.30am on the weekends used to baffle me. I always went to bed at 3am. It was just the way I lived, and I didn’t mind it.

The earliest that I ever had to start work was 12pm so I always had a couple of hours in the morning to get a few jobs done around the house. When the hours at work changed I knew that some days I would have to be up at 6.30! It was only the weekends that I had to be up earlier and I figured that would be fine, it wasn’t. My routine Monday – Friday was to go to sleep when I wanted and to get up around 9am like I had been doing for years but when it came to the weekend my body struggled because 6.30am was not part of the routine.

Thats when I realised I would have to make 6.30am my EVERYDAY routine time to rise and shine.

Becoming a morning person has changed my life. I am more productive.  I found that I was able to get most of my work around the house done in the morning, giving me the rest of the day to write blog posts, hang out with my friends (which I never got to do very much before) and I leave myself enough time to get to work.

If you want to become a morning person then let me give you a little guidance. Anybody can become a morning person with just a few changes and a little patience because the transition from a night owl to morning person doesn’t happen instantly.

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Step 1 – Changing your bed time

This isn’t going to be a drastic as you may think. Im going to explain how this works on the basis of the hours I used to go to sleep. So my normal bed time was 3am, the idea is to take of half an hour and do that for a week and then another half an hour and do that for a week, so on and so forth until you have reached the appropriate bed time, which in my case is 9 am. The first week I made it 2.30am, then 2am, the third week was 1.30 am. I think you get the picture. There are going to be days when it’s not possible to get to bed at 9am, I know that but for the most part this will be your routine.

Step 2 – Having a night time routine

Your body may find it a struggle to get to sleep earlier but there are a few things that you can do to help yourself relax before bed.

  • Turn off electronics at least 1 hour before bed, they keep the mind active (mobiles, consoles, TVs)
  • Listen to calming music (I like to listen to Yiruma piano music)
  • Meditate
  • Have a bath
  • Have a cup of decaf or herbal tea
  • Read a book for 30 minutes

You must try and do as many of these as you possibly can. It is so important to relax your mind.20663fbf0984e70ac4cb43f4affd1423_Fotor

Step 3 – Take on the morning

The most important rule here is to not hit snooze. If you are guilty of doing this then when you put you mobile away before bed just set one alarm but place your phone across the other side of the room, then you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Hopefully over time your body clock will get a re-jig and you will be able to join the 1 in 5 people who let their body naturally wake them up on time.

Alarms are never really a good thing because they sometimes force you out of a deep sleep and you’re not meant to wake up from a deep sleep,  you’re supposed to pass to the lighter preparation stage first, then open your eyes. Hitting the snooze button is also a big no no for this reason too because you keep entering a deep sleep and then forcing yourself back out of it. Doing this over and over is what causes you to feel grouchy.

Step 4 – Have a morning routine

Just like you have when you prepare for bed, a morning routine is just as important. It is vital that you give yourself enough time to adjust properly. When you’re asleep at night, all sorts of things are happening, your body temperature starts to fall and your blood pressure goes down. When you wake up your body has to recognise the time.When you get up, you stand upright and you’re much more active, so your heart, and everything else, just has to work that little bit harder. It takes time for your body to get ready for that change.

I leave my phone across the room still just to be careful, once i have got up to turn it off I open my blinds and sit back on my bed. I take it 3 deep breaths and let my body and eyes adjust to the light. I take a bottle of water to bed with my and in the morning I always take a massive gulp to hydrate. I keep a dream journal which I write in every morning, you can get the same one here. This gets my brain working.

I go down stairs and make a green tea or coffee, which ever I fancy that day and some breakfast. I NEVER EAT BREAKFAST IN BED. I was always told you should always eat your meals at a table, it helps your body digest.

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After breakfast I pop back upstairs to the bath room where carry out my morning skin care routine. (I may do a post on that soon, let me know below if thats something you would like to read/see). Once that is complete I head back into my room and make my bed. Making your bed is a MUST, it stops you wanting to get in it as much.

Step 5 – Exercise

Now this step might not be for everyone, some people may not like to exercise others may have their own routine/times to work out but studies have proven that exercising in the AM is one of the most effective ways to wake your brain up. In addition, those endorphins will give you a jumpstart to your day. After a morning workout I always feel refreshed, happy, and ready to tackle my day.  Just 15 minutes of yoga or some stretches will do the job or if you really want to get those juices flowing go for a run, there aren’t many people out running this early so it will be peaceful.

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Step 6 – Be motivated

Make sure you stick to it, even on your days off. It’s hard to get up in the morning when you have nothing to get up for. Make plans for each day, I have an Erin Condren life planner and I put in there everything I want to or need to get done for the day. Remember to live your life and be the best version of yourself.

Thank you for reading


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All images were downloaded via Pinterest. If any belong to you feel free to message me and I will either credit them or remove them. Thank you x