A story I want to tell

This may seem like a mood killer post but it’s how I’m feeling a kind of way right now and I want to write. This is about when I lost my mum, so if you don’t want to read this you dont have to but I need to tell my story, and I don’t think many people know this story. 

Let me start from the beginning, it was 2005, I was 13 and my mum and dad were being a bit weird. They called me into my little sisters room, and sat us both on the bed. They stood in front of us with this worried look on their faces. All I could think is ‘what have I done now?’ Then my mum crouched down our level, looked at us both and said, ‘I have Cancer’. I just sat there and stared at her for what felt like an hour but was really about a minute. I was in shock. Then the tears came, I would not stop crying. I didn’t even really know what the effects of cancer were but I know that people died from it and that was enough information for me.

My little sister didn’t cry, I don’t remember how she reacted because I was in shock but I know that she didn’t shed one tear that night, she was so young at 10 years old so she didn’t fully understand.

My mum asked why I was crying and I remember saying to her ‘are you going to die?’ which she replied ‘I promise you I will be fine’.

We carried on with our lives as normal, with the added hospital trip so mum could have Chemo. Anna and dad would go with her but I would always stay home. There were a few times that she was taken into hospital because things got a little bad but she soon came out.

We got through christmas that year and new year. Mum got involved as much as she could but she was very weak.

I went to Germany on a school trip and when I returned home I gave my mum a post card of Berlin which supposedly had a piece of the ‘real’ Berlin wall. We spent a few days together at home before I went back to school. We argued a lot in those few days, I’m not sure what over, probably something so small and silly. Something so irrelevant.

My sister and I came home from our first day back at school and my auntie was in my house, she told us that mum was taken into hospital again and she was there to look after us.

Dad came home later that night and he was alone, mum had to stay in the hospital. Time went on, I’m not sure how much time, but it left like weeks and mum never came out. My dad and my sister would go and visit her but I would always stay at home. Me and my dad would have massive arguments over it. I didn’t want to see my mum in hospital with tubes down her throat and hooked up to machines, but he knew it was important that I saw her.

A little while after my dad came home from the hospital one day and was very stressed but said mum was getting a little better. That night we got a phone call, I answered the phone and it was the hospital, they wanted to speak to my dad. Something was wrong and he went back down to the hospital. This hadn’t happened before, he had never rushed out to the hospital like that.

My little sister and I were left at home for a couple of hours then a couple of family friends walked though the back door of our house and told us to put a coat on and get in the car, I could tell that they had been crying. I don’t remember the car journey to the hospital, I do remember it was very quiet though, nobody spoke a word.

When we arrived on the ward that my mum was on we were taken into a room at the end of the ward, I remember looking around for my mum but I couldn’t see her.

The next part I remember so clearly, one of the family friends took us into the room where my dad was. I remember my dads face, his eyes were red and puffy, he had clearly been crying a lot and he was shaking so much. There were two grey hospital sofas in this room. We all sat down and that’s when he told us that our mum wasn’t going to make it through the week and we needed to say our goodbyes.

The next few days were so hard. Mum had been moved into a more private room and the limit on visitors was lifted. She always had loads of people around her and I know she would have been happy knowing everyone was there. My mum wasn’t asleep or anything like that, she was paralysed but she could move her eyes. So she saw us all there with her.

My dad was there 24/7 and my sister and I would be there every day but would sleep at home. Then there was one day that the whole family was there and all her close friends. Mother’s day was coming up so my sister wanted to read her the mother’s day card that we had got for her. Everyone left the room giving myself, my sister and my mum some time alone.

I couldn’t tell you a word that was in that card. The entire time my sister was reading I was just staring at my mum. She was laying there still, her eyes open. Then I saw the corners on her mouth turn up slightly forming a little smile on her face. Soon after followed her tears. I wiped them away for her and grabbed hold of her hand. How had my mum got like this? It was heartbreaking.

We said goodnight to her like we did every night, told her we loved her and then we went home for the night.

The next morning I got up first and went down stairs, I saw all my family and family friends in the lounge, said Good Morning to them and then continued into the kitchen. I knew it then, I knew she had passed away.  I had lost my mum forever.

I didn’t need anyone to confirm it to me because the whole family sitting in my lounge crying was conformation enough but my aunt came out to see me and actually tell me. I didn’t really react. I just walked up stairs into my dads room, he was laying in bed sobbing, I have never seen anyone so heart-broken in all my life. I got in next to his and we just cuddled and cried. Someone must have gone and woken up my little sister because about 5 minutes later she ran through the door in hysterics. It was then that I realised I needed to be brave and try to get them both through this.

I was devastated don’t get me wrong but something clicked in me, it was just what I thought was right or possibly my way of coping and I just left the room went and got my self dressed and went to the Nursery where I was doing my work experience that day. When they found out what had happened they sent me home of course but I felt like I needed to get on with my day and not cry.

I will end that there but I will go on to what happened after with me in another post. I’m not writing this for sympathy of anything like that, I know im not the only person that has been through this. It’s simply something that I think about a lot and just wanted to write it down.

Thanks for reading and your ongoing support! 

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Woman Crush Wednesday

This is my first Woman Crush Wednesday on EforElle and I have an incredible lady for you today!

collageDanielle Keens | Essex

I’ve known Danielle for about 7 years know and when we met she had pink hair! She is an incredible woman!

Danielle has worked so hard and has achieved so much that most don’t achieve in their 20’s. She works a job and has her own company where she makes and sells her hand made cross stitches you can buy these at www.crossstitchyoursoul.bigcartel.com.

She is covered in some of the most beautiful art work! Oh, and her bloody make up is a work of art too!

Danielle is a cat lover, well actually she’s an animal lover and a Vegan. She is a firm believer in equal rights and is strong minded when it comes to these subjects. She knows what she is talking about!

Danielle Keens you are divine and this is why you are my first WCW!

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Follow Danielle on Instagram!

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I’m Back!

Guys, I’m back! I’m sorry its been so long. I have been having a bit of a revamp on the layout. Do you like it?

So I’ve decided to bring back monthly favourites. It will start at the end of this month, which is super exciting I have loads of new bits that I want to share with you all.

Also I will be doing WCW also known as Woman Crush Wednesday, where each Wednesday I will pick a lady that I think is beautiful, inspirational or strong women. If you think there is someone that should be chosen then write a comment on their picture with #EforelleWCW!

Im not going to have set days that i post other than Wednesdays, simply because i have a job and sometimes find it hard to post by certain days. I promise that I will try my very hardest to get at least one post up a week for you.

Thanks for understanding guys!

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Summer Reading List

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One of my favourite things to do in the summer is to grab a good book and have a lazy day in the garden. I just spend my day getting lost in a novel that helps me escape from reality for a little while. If you like reading too I have listed a few of my favourites, some are newer and others are old classics. Enjoy!

Oh and at the end there is a printable reading challenge.

  1. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

  2. All About Love – Bell Hooks

  3. Geek Love – Katherine Dunn

  4.  Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

  5. The Fault in Our Stars – John Green

  6. The Notebook – Nicholas Sparks

  7. Eleanor & Park – Rainbow Rowell

  8. Water for Elephants – Sara Gruen

  9. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontè

  10. Uprooted – Naomi Novik

 

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Hope you have a lovely summer

 

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Become a Morning Person

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If you know me then you know I have never really been a morning person. Getting up before 9am was never going to happen. No way, no how! Hearing my Sister get up at 7.30am on the weekends used to baffle me. I always went to bed at 3am. It was just the way I lived, and I didn’t mind it.

The earliest that I ever had to start work was 12pm so I always had a couple of hours in the morning to get a few jobs done around the house. When the hours at work changed I knew that some days I would have to be up at 6.30! It was only the weekends that I had to be up earlier and I figured that would be fine, it wasn’t. My routine Monday – Friday was to go to sleep when I wanted and to get up around 9am like I had been doing for years but when it came to the weekend my body struggled because 6.30am was not part of the routine.

Thats when I realised I would have to make 6.30am my EVERYDAY routine time to rise and shine.

Becoming a morning person has changed my life. I am more productive.  I found that I was able to get most of my work around the house done in the morning, giving me the rest of the day to write blog posts, hang out with my friends (which I never got to do very much before) and I leave myself enough time to get to work.

If you want to become a morning person then let me give you a little guidance. Anybody can become a morning person with just a few changes and a little patience because the transition from a night owl to morning person doesn’t happen instantly.

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Step 1 – Changing your bed time

This isn’t going to be a drastic as you may think. Im going to explain how this works on the basis of the hours I used to go to sleep. So my normal bed time was 3am, the idea is to take of half an hour and do that for a week and then another half an hour and do that for a week, so on and so forth until you have reached the appropriate bed time, which in my case is 9 am. The first week I made it 2.30am, then 2am, the third week was 1.30 am. I think you get the picture. There are going to be days when it’s not possible to get to bed at 9am, I know that but for the most part this will be your routine.

Step 2 – Having a night time routine

Your body may find it a struggle to get to sleep earlier but there are a few things that you can do to help yourself relax before bed.

  • Turn off electronics at least 1 hour before bed, they keep the mind active (mobiles, consoles, TVs)
  • Listen to calming music (I like to listen to Yiruma piano music)
  • Meditate
  • Have a bath
  • Have a cup of decaf or herbal tea
  • Read a book for 30 minutes

You must try and do as many of these as you possibly can. It is so important to relax your mind.20663fbf0984e70ac4cb43f4affd1423_Fotor

Step 3 – Take on the morning

The most important rule here is to not hit snooze. If you are guilty of doing this then when you put you mobile away before bed just set one alarm but place your phone across the other side of the room, then you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Hopefully over time your body clock will get a re-jig and you will be able to join the 1 in 5 people who let their body naturally wake them up on time.

Alarms are never really a good thing because they sometimes force you out of a deep sleep and you’re not meant to wake up from a deep sleep,  you’re supposed to pass to the lighter preparation stage first, then open your eyes. Hitting the snooze button is also a big no no for this reason too because you keep entering a deep sleep and then forcing yourself back out of it. Doing this over and over is what causes you to feel grouchy.

Step 4 – Have a morning routine

Just like you have when you prepare for bed, a morning routine is just as important. It is vital that you give yourself enough time to adjust properly. When you’re asleep at night, all sorts of things are happening, your body temperature starts to fall and your blood pressure goes down. When you wake up your body has to recognise the time.When you get up, you stand upright and you’re much more active, so your heart, and everything else, just has to work that little bit harder. It takes time for your body to get ready for that change.

I leave my phone across the room still just to be careful, once i have got up to turn it off I open my blinds and sit back on my bed. I take it 3 deep breaths and let my body and eyes adjust to the light. I take a bottle of water to bed with my and in the morning I always take a massive gulp to hydrate. I keep a dream journal which I write in every morning, you can get the same one here. This gets my brain working.

I go down stairs and make a green tea or coffee, which ever I fancy that day and some breakfast. I NEVER EAT BREAKFAST IN BED. I was always told you should always eat your meals at a table, it helps your body digest.

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After breakfast I pop back upstairs to the bath room where carry out my morning skin care routine. (I may do a post on that soon, let me know below if thats something you would like to read/see). Once that is complete I head back into my room and make my bed. Making your bed is a MUST, it stops you wanting to get in it as much.

Step 5 – Exercise

Now this step might not be for everyone, some people may not like to exercise others may have their own routine/times to work out but studies have proven that exercising in the AM is one of the most effective ways to wake your brain up. In addition, those endorphins will give you a jumpstart to your day. After a morning workout I always feel refreshed, happy, and ready to tackle my day.  Just 15 minutes of yoga or some stretches will do the job or if you really want to get those juices flowing go for a run, there aren’t many people out running this early so it will be peaceful.

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Step 6 – Be motivated

Make sure you stick to it, even on your days off. It’s hard to get up in the morning when you have nothing to get up for. Make plans for each day, I have an Erin Condren life planner and I put in there everything I want to or need to get done for the day. Remember to live your life and be the best version of yourself.

Thank you for reading


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All images were downloaded via Pinterest. If any belong to you feel free to message me and I will either credit them or remove them. Thank you x

The Beauty Tag

There has been this fun tag floating around called The Beauty Tag and I’ve decided I’m not going to wait to be tagged to do it…OOOOOOOHHHHHHH REBEL.

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SKINCARE
1. How many times do you wash your face daily?Twice, morning and night.
2. What skin type do you have? Right now my skin is dry but I normally have an oily T-zone.
3. What is your current facial wash? In the morning I use clean and clear morning energy and at night I use clean and clear black head clearing scrub.
4. Do you exfoliate? I do but not every day.

5. What brand do you use? Soap and Glory, greatest scrub of all.
6. What moisturizer do you use? Clean and clear, dual action oil free right now but i change it up a lot.
7. Do you have freckles? Only when my face has seen the sun.
8. Do you use eye cream? Not all the time but i do use Benefit, its potent some times.
9. Do you or did you have acne prone skin? Im pretty lucky that I have very clear skin.
10. Did you ever have to use Proactive? Never

MAKE-UP
11. What foundation do you use? I use Maybelline dream flawless nude foundation in ivory.
12. How about concealer? I use Mac select moisture cover in NC15
13. Do you know your undertone color? I have the fairest with slight pink undertones
14. What do you think of fake eyelashes? They look so lovely on other people but i just don’t like them on myself.
15. Did you know that you are suppose to change your mascara every 3 months? Yeah, I normally do, if i get through it.
16. What brand of mascara do you use? I use two, A super cheap one that was sent to me by GlossyBox called lash princess volume mascara by essence which I LOVE and a Bourjois mascara called volume 1 seconde retro summer which was review and recommended my friend Hannah.
17. Sephora or MAC? We don’t have Sephora in the UK so Mac, but I will be in the states next may and will grab a few bits.
18. Do you have a MAC Pro-card? No, I wish I did though.
19. What makeup tools do you use in make up application? I use a real techniques beauty blender and real techniques brushes.
20. Do you use make-up base/primer for the eyes? No, not an eye primer.

21. For the face? I use a Maybelline baby skin pore eraser face primer
22. What is your favourite eyeshadow (colour or shade)? I like neutral shades for day to day wear and navys/ blacks for something a bit more grunge on a night out.
23. Do you use pencil or liquid eyeliner? I use a liquid liner and its the Rimmel glam’eyes professional liquid liner but i use a thinner brush because that just works for me.
24. How often do you poke your eyes with an eyeliner pencil? Never. It just doesn’t suit me so I don’t use it at all.
25. What do you think of pigment eye shadows? Messy.
26. Do you use mineral makeup? Nope, My friend uses bare minerals and I gave that a try once but just wasn’t for me.
27. What is your favourite lipstick? Kate moss Lasting finish in shade 003 is my go to daily lip colour and I also love Mac Ruby Woo
28. How about lip gloss? Not for me.
29. What is your favourite blush to use?  I don’t use it too often but I do love Benefit rockateur.
30. Do you buy your makeup on eBay?  Never!

31. Do you like drugstore makeup? Most of it is pretty good.
32. Do you go to CCO’s? (cosmetic company outlets)? Nope, unfortunately not.
34. Are you clumsy when putting on makeup? Nope, maybe with winged liner, but who isn’t?
35. Name a makeup crime that you hate? Not blending. BLEND PEOPLE, BLEND!
36. Do you like colourful shades of makeup (lipstick,eyeshadow) or neutral ones?  Neutral shades.
37. Which celebrity always has great make up? Cara Delevingne and Dita Von Teese.
38. If you could leave the house using just ONE makeup item, what would you use? My eyebrow kit (i don’t have any hair there).
39. Could you ever leave the house without any makeup on? If I grew my eyebrows back, which I’m in the process of doing.
40. Do you think you look good even without any makeup on? No, basically.

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Hope you enjoyed getting a little look into my make up and skin care.

I tag:

StuffHannahSays

HaySparkle

Lylia Rose

Have fun ladies!

xoxo


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August GlossyBox Review

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Hello there! So I wanted to do an apology post because I’ve not been able to post in FOREVER! But I figured I would just keep it short and sweet and put it at the start of this GlossyBox Post.

Sometimes, no matter how much you try to dedicate yourself to your blog and your readers something in your life will get in the way. This is exactly what happened for me. The last blog post from myself was about a Job Promotion, well that went very wrong for me. I enjoy my job and I try to work my hardest all the time but sometimes things just get a little much and on this occasion it took its toll on my skin.

I suffer from eczema, I have done since birth but I have it under control, most of the time. This time though, stress took over and I ended up in a look of pain and the eczema targeted my hands and feet. For a very long time I was completely unable to walk. I demoted myself at work to try to help with my stress levels and I have been off work since MAY!

I thought about posting whilst I was off but I really had nothing to post about because I was in bed unable to move day in and day out.

BUT IM BACK!! and I don’t plan on going anywhere

So to start this blog back off I am going to give you and an August GlossyBox Mini Review…ish.

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For some unknown reason my August GlossyBox turned up on the 2nd September so this is a bit of a late review but never the less. So this month we were back to the classic pink box which I love! I keep al of my boxes under my bed, some I use for storage and others are empty but I also use them to put odd-shaped gifts in to make them easier to wrap.

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When I opened this box I was super excited to see two of the brands that I love, SASS and NAOBAY. There was also a product from a brand called MeMeMe which I haven’t got on with before and two new brands for me to try.

I though I would try the new products first as I kind of has an idea about the others already. So fist up is the Artist colour powder blush in the shade 108. This product was voted into the box by GlossyBox customers. It is a Blush/Bronzer hybrid from the Swedish brand Emite.

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I personally don’t like the colour. I am very pale and it is just too dark for me. That being said, the pigmentation is incredible and you don’t need a lot of product at all! This product is fantastic if you have a darker skin tone and it is perfect for contouring too. But because of the colour I had to pass this one on. (The photo is a little more red then the product, I tried to get it as true to colour as possible.)

Full size : £20.59

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The next product for me to try is a lash primer from the US brand Manna Kadar. The Glossybox description card says that it leaves your lashes ‘conditioned and voluminous’. Well, it doesn’t! I am not impressed with this product at all! I used it every night for a week and all it done was add a layer of product that was thick and dried very crusty on my eye lashes. I found that it was uncomfortable and I was constantly aware that it was on my lashes. It also says that it can be used under mascara for an ‘enhanced final effect’. I didn’t like it under mascara either, it made my mascara clump up. So over all I wasn’t impressed.

Full size: £14.55 

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Next I moved on the brand i didn’t get on with MeMeMe. This time I was trying a Lip glide in Playful Peach and it was PEACH!  The product is a matte-velvet chubby lip crayon and it has changed my mind on MeMeMe completely! I LOVE this product so much. It is super easy to apply and is so hydrating, the colour is very pigmented and lasts nearly all day. (I did have to touch up after food as normal.) This colour is super cute, I just wish GlossyBox had given it to us at the start of summer as it is the perfect summer shade! I will defiantly be purchasing more shades! Oh and one more thing, it’s such a great size that fits into your bag.

Full size: £6.95

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Moving on to the SASS Purifying Cleanser. This is an intimate wash that works as a probiotic to balance your skins PH levels. You use two pumps in the shower and rinsed with warm fresh water. I already use the Intimate Perfect Skin Concentrate which came in the May 2015 GlossyBox and I love it. So I was excited to use this wash. I have been using the Femfresh wash and it has been doing the job but the SASS Purifying Cleanser is out of this world. It is so gentle and soothing, there was no dryness after. It’s just such an amazing fresh product. I will be purchasing both the wash and concentrate again!

Vegan

Full size: £7 (BARGAIN!)

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Now for the final (and best) product in this box, the NAOBAY Calming Face Toner which is a Spanish 4 in 1 product. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this product! Lets start with the packaging, it is matte white with a wooden screw lid, so simple but so beautiful. It would look great on your vanity or on you bathroom shelf. I already have the Moisturising Peeling which gets rid of any artificial skin cells and daily impurities and now I have the Calming Face Toner to work along side it. You apply a few drops to a cotton pad and dab/softly wipe your face and it effectively removes traces of make up and impurities from the skin, cleanses, tones and soothe the skin with Chamomile and Asian Cantella.

I would love to repurchase this product but I’m not sure where from, if you know where I can purchase please leave me a comment.

No animal testing

Full size: £10.65

*This blog isn’t sponsored all opinions are my own

**All brands are linked

If you wish to sponsor me feel free to contact me: Eleanorgreenslade@icloud.com


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